Sunday, April 7, 2013

My Strange Inner Life

It's strange, even to me, and I live it!

It's so strange, I debated sharing here, on the blog. But I finally  feel compelled to tell you one of my secrets.

I'm unfaithful to my husband. With celebrities, no less.

I know it's hard to believe, even though most of you know I grew up in Los Angeles and worked in the Hollywood area for twenty years (I even once threw Jeremy Piven out of my office for being awful), thus having the potential to meet famous and interesting people. But it's true.

When I'm asleep, anyway. Yes, I have dreams of random movie stars and how we're carrying on torrid love affairs behind Mr. ShellHawk's back. 
John Cusack has been a big crush of mine since "Better Off Dead." We've
had several encounters in dreamland.
Pic via The Midnight Compass, appropriately enough...
The down side? Nothing ever happens, if you catch my drift. I'm so busy explaining that I love my husband and would never leave him that we never do the dirty. And they so clearly find me utterly, incredibly hot!

Oh, it's implied, all right, but it's never done. That's either sad or really great, depending on your point of view and, of course the celebrity involved. I say that, because not every celeb is as high on the attractive meter as John Cusack. Sometimes, it's someone like Danny DeVito.
Danny is as surprised about this as I am, I'm sure. Image via Organic Connections.
Of all the people in the world, and no disrespect to Mr. DeVito, I never would have imagined him as the object of my lust. Ever, ever, ever.

This celeb actually elicited a short conversation:
He reads and loves coffee. He also looks like he'd happily pitch both over for
a roll in those nice sheets. I can live with that. Image via Spectacle Provocateuse
Still handsome, even without his
trademark 'stache. Image via
TheGentlemanBlog.

Me: I'm really sorry, hon. Last night, I had an affair in my dreams with Tom Selleck.

Mr. ShellHawk: With mustache or without?

Long pause as I try to remember.

Me: With mustache.

Mr. ShellHawk: Right on.

Last night was actually a double header, which is a first. It was affairs with both Michael J. Fox and Russell Brand, possibly two of the least alike celebrities I can think of.
Image via Style Weekly.
Image via ign.com
But maybe they're not so different after all. Michael J. Fox is a huge advocate for stem cell research to help end Parkinson's and other diseases. And I totally forgave Russell Brand for ruining the original Arthur when he had that great, classy interview with the idiots from the Westboro Baptist Church. So they're both activists, in their own ways.

Although I can't remember every single affair I've had over the years, I can add these two to my list:
Image via Film Hash.
By the way, in my dream, they were the younger versions of themselves. Seventy-something men? Not such a turn on for me.  

My very, very very very best? The geek girl's god:
Simultaneously the best and most disappointing, because of aforesaid
confession of lack of deed-doing. Pic via Film Cycle.
I can't tell you what a nice dream that was. I really can't, because I don't remember. I was just left with a happy heart...

One of these fine years, when I learn Photoshop, I'll have to make a posed pic with me and all my boys. That would be hilarious!
But in the end, I always wake up to my one true love, who puts up with my nocturnal infidelities and loves me anyway: Mr. ShellHawk (and Ape, of course...).

I wonder who's next?

1 comment:

  1. I love the whole conversation where Mr.S. is more concerned with the state of Tom's facial hair! You got yourself a keeper!

    ReplyDelete

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