Monday, June 19, 2017

Welcome to L.A.

It's been a couple of weeks since I packed the truck and got on the road to L.A., leaving behind my house, some great friends, and a decade of memories.

It's hard to express the mixed feelings I have about this, though if any of my readers have been through a divorce, they know, intimately, what I'm going through. There's heartbreak, yes. Lots of that, which is pretty normal after being with someone for sixteen years. There's the realization that you're almost fifty and going to live with your parents; not something I had in my planner for this stage of my life.

There's also relief and that certain feeling you get when you know you're going on an adventure.

I realized fairly early on in this process that I have the unique opportunity to re-make myself. I can find a new type of work. Create a new space for myself and Sam, a place where I can set up a studio and explore everything that's going on in my head without distraction or interference. I can start to write again, a pastime which I have missed deeply.

In short, there's enormous potential for growth, and it thrills me!

I've been in the process of recovering myself. I'd taken a few concept pictures of myself and sent them to a girlfriend with the idea of collaborating on a book (no, I'm not going to share about what it will be right now). She was intrigued by the idea and decided to come up to Folsom before I left in order to play with the idea further. Here's one:
She did a great job on my makeup, and the lighting was perfect! This picture in particular reminded me that I'm not repulsive (long story--we're not going there). I think that sometimes we need to see ourselves through the eyes of a friend before we can believe the good things about ourselves, instead of what others, who don't necessarily have our best interests at heart, tell us. It's not about physical appearance, either. It's about someone seeing that ineffable part of you and doing their best to hold it up to you and help you to see it.
Today would have been our anniversary. I find it more than a little ironic that I have to work on divorce paperwork today...

Well. Onwards right? Here's to adventure.


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