Friday, January 30, 2009

Martha Stewart Halloween or, Just Your Basic Egg Sac

You've seen the title of this blog. It has the words, "Martha Stewart," in it. I want to make one thing perfectly clear:

I don't approve of Martha Stewart. I think she makes the rest of us look bad.

We ordinary men and women, schedules crazed by work and home commitments, don't usually have an army of minions to do our crafts for us. The one or two minions we have access to may even, when asked to help with a project, roll their eyes at us and huff, "Okay. But just for a minute," and do it wrong anyway. So they won't get asked again. And then, they'll ask, "Well, why do you have to do it that way? Wouldn't it be easier to..." And go into a "helpful" explanation that will almost certainly make the project look like it was made in China. By a blind person. With a multiple-personality disorder. And none of the personalities have an I.Q. above, say, 30.

Most of us don't have advertisers funding our projects. Most of us don't have residuals to fatten our bank accounts. (I have to say I was amused to find that the prisoners beat her in a decorating competition. So gratifying.)

This is why I don't approve.

But, sometimes that freakin' overachieving housewife comes up with something kinda cool. Like spider egg sacs.

I have been schlepping around the October 2003 edition of Martha Stewart Living for, um, well, six years. Last year, I tore out the stuff I wanted and pitched the ads. This project caught my eye and looked like it would go pretty quick.

Unfortunately, the website doesn't have the project specs any more, but I do!

Grab your trusty glue gun and your bags of spiders. You need small and medium spiders. Also, go to the Dollar Store or someplace like that and pick up either white stockings (cut off the legs) or white knee-highs. Since Easter is only a couple of months away, there will be styrofoam eggs aplenty available, so pick up a gob of them. You can also use varying sizes of styrofoam balls. Lastly, pick up some white batting from a craft or sewing store.

Take your foam ball or egg and wrap it in the white batting. Pull the stocking leg or knee high over the ball.

Grab your baby spiders and position them inside between the stocking and the batting. Hot glue a bunch of them around the outside. Mix in the large spiders, too. Hang them from the ceiling of your porch with push pins or self-stick hangers.

I did this for my porch last year and hung them up a few days before Halloween. Neighbor V came by to drop off a couple of things for our party. She told me she was startled by the egg sacs at first, then completely creeped out every time she had to go by them. They looked really good at night.

You can see the other parts of the projects here.

Search results for Martha Stewart's Halloween projects here.

For the antidote, go to Gothic Martha Stewart.


  1. Martha is one of those...guilty pleasures when you are a haunter. It's like being known for liking highbrow music, and secretly having Robbie Williams on your ipod.

    As you've pointed out, regardless of the evil that surrounds her, when it comes down to it, the magazine comes up with some great ideas for Halloween.

    I have 4 or 5 Halloween edition Martha Stewart magazines stored away.

    No, you can't see my ipod playlist.

  2. Let's not get crazy with the accusations - Martha Stewart does not come up with this sh*t. She pays a lot of very smart and talented people to come up with it for her.

    And I don't mind that, as long as she publishes her freaking Halloween issue. Which she didn't last year.


    But I do love the Spider sacks -- they are terrifying and beautiful all at once.

  3. LOL...a friend had shown me the egg sack idea awhile back knowing I'd dig it. I was so torn between loving it and hating it. Loved it because it was a brilliant idea and hating it because it was Martha Stewart.

    As someone who has worked for years as other TV designer's "minions" once in awhile, we roll our eyes often even when being paid to help.

    A secret...many of the producers and Marthas in the world search magazines and the web for such inspiration and PROVEN to work ideas. At her level it's corporate with too much money at risk to just experiment and be creative. These ideas are then passed on to the "minions" to be retro designed or "spun" to fit that designers look and name brand.

    I'll bet anything this idea can be traced back to some clever home haunter's idea and was found by one of Martha's research minions.

    They most probably have unlimited project materials to use thanks to "trade outs". They'll get cases of Elmer's glue just so she'll write or say they used Elmer's glue. Just a crafty form of product placement advertising.

  4. ...and YES, DeadmansLog...amazingly smart and talented people come up with this sh*t...but they DO NOT pay a lot. I learned a long time ago to keep my best ideas for myself.

    Often poor wages are offered but you're told the "experience of working with a top designer" is the real pay.

    Many young and eager "newbie" artisans are conned into that situation and thinking. I did and for too many years.

    Bitter in Burbank.

  5. Dear Bitter in Burbank,
    I think that getting paid with "experience," should be added to the top lies of all time:
    1. I'll respect you in the morning.
    2. The check's in the mail.
    3. Well. I can't publish 3.
    4. You should do it to have the great experience of working for ME, Megalomaniac!

  6. BTW - anyone seen "Whatever, Martha" - Her daughter Alexis' show? She and a friend go through old episodes of her moms show and they are pretty brutal :)

    Very funny, check it out.

    We know a friend that knows a friend (you know the story) that knows Martha, - we told her about our upcoming book and how great it would be to get her involved because Martha loves Halloween. She told us, straight out "don't show her ANYTHING until you have a copyright, she does not share credit." Very sobering conversation.


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