2017, I'm Not Ready.

This extremely unflattering
picture shows I would like
to have humor about my
imperfections. And maybe
punch someone.

I'm just not. 

I'm turning older in March. Not ready for that, though I'm not freaking out about it.

I haven't done what I wanted to do with my life, quite yet. (I'm still deciding what that is by the way, so please, don't judge me!) 

I still say the wrong things and get in trouble because of my mouth. (Still. Damn it!) I mean well, I really do, but there are still those horrifying moments where I just try to see what my mouth is saying at the same time it's saying what it's saying and thinking, "No! Don't! You can't---! Oh, shit. You did. You really did." *face palm*

And man, there are so many things I want to do, I'm dizzy with it! But this is the time I need to settle myself and breathe, and focus on what is really important to me.

Don't get me wrong. 2016 was a really rough year, personally, but it wasn't all bad.

I had the great opportunity to go to the Stanley Hotel, which was a major bucket list item!











I also got to go to Cancun and Kauai, which was a blast. I got to see old friends in Portland, Oregon. I had the opportunity to go to a great ceramic art show and speak with some very talented artists. I got to see family and friends. I had a whole doggone year without a surgery! YES!!!

And I did make some personal strides forward, but -- and many of you will recognize this about yourselves -- somehow I feel like I fell short of my expectations of myself.

I'm pretty sure everyone feels this way from time to time, especially this time of year. Maybe you (like me) didn't lose the weight you wanted to, or you didn't commit to your plan for world domination, or something like that. I keep telling myself that it's o.k. I'm not dead, yet (escaping the 2016 Death Race was an accomplishment all on its own, so I count it as a win!), so I can keep on working on myself and my other goals. It's not too late.

 A friend mentioned to write down my goals and then figure out where they stand on my priority list. I'm still working on it, and I feel cautiously positive about it. The cautious part of me is the part who's afraid of failure. I'm reminding myself that I overthink things, and to just keep going. To have some courage, because really, I'm not going to be executed for not achieving my goals or desires. (Why are we always so damn dramatic about this?)

And I'm reminding myself that in spite of all of my failures -- real and imagined -- I'm still falling forwards more than backwards. Inch by inch, things improve. I am on an adventure, and it is, overall, pretty amazing.

Yes, I really do have to remember when to just shut my mouth, but sometimes, what comes out is kind and helpful. I know that will get better with practice.

One of the things I noticed I could improve was my charitable giving. I noticed that I was, quite frankly, stingy with giving money to causes I supported. And I decided to change that, right away.

I believe in them, sure. I sign petitions which don't seem like they're just a crazy waste of time. But giving? Not as good as I wanted. Because I don't make loads of take-home cash after I donate to my retirement, it was easy to excuse not giving to what mattered to me.

So I went back to my last post and chose three separate charities I wanted to give to, and for two of them, I set up a monthly schedule of support. It's not loads of cash, but I know that every little bit helps, and that they need it, regardless of how large or small the donation is. And really, it's not going to break me. Will I need more time to save for things I want for myself? Sure. But, honestly, aside from improving my studio, I really don't need a whole bunch more "stuff." I can live without a wind spinner or another wind chime, honestly.

I'll continue to make changes, as incremental as they may be. The New Year gives us all an excuse to stop and take inventory, so we can see what changes are important to us.

Happy New Year, Gang! Here's to some positive change!

New Year's Eve at the Nest

When I was a young witch-in-training (Or was it spelled differently? Hmmm.), my mentor used to tell me to make sure that on New Year's Eve, I had my house in order. That meant a fully stocked kitchen, gas in the car, and everything clean and tidy for the New Year. She told me that if I did that, then I would have prosperity throughout the coming year-always enough to eat, gas in the car, etc. (She forgot to mention to have the bar stocked, but I forgive her!)

Years later, I came to the belated realization that New Year's Eve wasn't the same as the pagan New Year's Eve, which is Halloween. No wonder the damn theory never worked!

I still do it, though, and make sure to make lentil soup on New Year's Eve, for good luck, per my grandma's instructions and my dad's recipe. If you want to make lentils tonight or tomorrow, here's a good recipe.

I spent much of yesterday in the Garage of Doom, cleaning and reorganizing. Some of you will remember my previous post on claiming space, and man, is that what I did yesterday! I found a space for my cauldron in the ever-shrinking attic space, and found some space for a couple of blow-mold pumpkins that were hanging around in my studio space. I moved the wine fridge (had to empty the damn thing out first, too!) out of the space where my utility sink will go and put it only a few steps away. I was concerned that if I parked the Dodge there (yes, she's still here, as I haven't had time to deal with her, yet.), we wouldn't be able to open the fridge door, but there was space to spare and the garage door closed easily behind her. The 10' ladder got hung up in its place. Stewie had already found a home, though I'd like to find a spot for his base.

What's amusing to me is the concept that the Universe abhors a vacuum, and no sooner had I sat down for dinner, there was a knock at the door. It was my neighbor, Bud, with two female dummy torsos that were a gift from a friend of his who came to visit me this summer during build time! I don't know what I'll do with them, but I'm sure I'll find a use for them in the haunt.

Clear your space, kids! You never know what fun thing is going to come in to fill it!

Anyway, all the Christmas totes came down from the attic, and I'll attack the task of putting Christmas Crap away today and get the tree out of the house, too. It's going to be another exhausting day, for sure, but I love that smug feeling of accomplishment when everything is in order!

Happy New Year to you all, and thanks for hanging around this year. Whether you know it or not, you've made a difference in my life-even the silent lurkers!